Relink!

2008-06-30T17:03:00.001+08:00

Moved to http://www.the-attitude-girl.blogspot.com.
Relink please!
Thanks! (:

2008-06-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

Went Vivo during late afternoon to meet EeWee, QianNing and LiPing. Jacqueline joined us around the same time as I reach also. Ping went to chat with her friends working there afterward went to have lunch at LongJohnSilver. Boyfriend came over to find me! Shopped around then went separate ways with the girls cause they're going back home.

Went 7-Eleven and bought candy and drink, and spent a long time there. Went to the rooftop garden there slack until quite late then went off to take bus. Supper nearby then home le. Boyfriend took my PSP home, I'm so stucked at home without any game gadget except laptop. And I'm so broke. I'm not gonna go out for this whole week!
Let's camp at home! =D

Darling, I'm so glad to see you today. Seriously, I just need you by my side right then. And honestly, even though this huge 'rock' is cleared, I still have a lot of things to worry, ya know?
I miss you.

2008-06-25T23:56:00.002+08:00

Met Ping and I overslept! To think that I actually woke up at 7 AM but went back to sleep until she called me. Accompany her to Jurong and I saw HuiMin! So long didn't see her, she changed quite a lot, more mature looking and no longer having the AhLian look.
After that, Ping went to J8 to meet Jacqueline, EeWee and QianNing. I went down to PlazaSingapura to met Boyfriend. Had late lunch and stone there watching him play with my PSP until it's time for him to leave for work.
PS ME ALONE! *Ahem*
Alright, so I went down to find the group of girls and had my dinner at LongJohnSilver. Went M)phosis and bought my long wanted jumpsuit and bag. Which cost me a bomb! Worse is, mummy said that I can't wear the jumpsuit for the upcoming wedding dinner cause it's in black. A bit regret buying the jumpsuit though I love it since the first look.
So, I need to get another suit for this Saturday. Perhaps a dress? Argh, shall see how it goes.

I don't know what happen to me, or should I say my temper. Had been flaring up for nothing at all. Why am I behaving like this? I get irritated easily and only realise that after everything had happened and regret what I've done or said. I need help!

2008-06-24T21:51:00.006+08:00

Does that means he read my blog? But why?

Boyfriend gone crazy already. He kept bombing me the same question over and over again on the phone.

If I have a chance, I'd tell you how much I hate you;
how much I hate the way you avoid me;
how much I hate the way you neglect me;
how much I hate it

Maybe I am being inconsiderate;
maybe I am being unreasonable;
maybe I am just too ego to realise things like this.

How many times do I have to tell myself?
How many times do I have to lie to myself?

This isn't the first time nor will it be last...

2008-06-23T23:11:00.004+08:00

"A lot of people are afraid to ask for what they want. That's why they don't get what they want."

Sometimes things are not that we aren't able to get, it is just now we are unable to hold on to it without realising. How many things that we had allowed to slip pass us? Everyone of us have regrets, just that none of us admit to it. Keeping our pride and saying it doesn't matter but the fact is, we are wishing that time could turn back so we could re-make our decision.
I used to avoid every single problem I came across, until then I realise all troubles were just stacking up like lego. I told myself, XueQi, you have to face it. Avoiding won't solve the problem but create even more. I haven't get out of the box of avoid-ion, at least I'm learning to face everything that blocks my path.
Problems are created by ourselves.
Stop finding fault in others.

I simply wish I could fall asleep right now.

2008-06-22T19:31:00.003+08:00

Class BBQ yesterday! Almost exactly like what I expected. Not that bad, not great as well. Wanted to cycle but Jac don't want, cause of the amebience, like what she said. I still did cycle, with PeiFen and LiPing. BBQ food are so nice! I don't mind having another BBQ. Hahhas. Anyone wanna sponsor me a chalet + BBQ for my birthday? xD
Most of them went off to catch the last bus home. Left only the 5 guys who were accompanying me and Marcus, JiaNi and MengGuan. The 5 guys went off to Gerald's house to watch soccer, left the 4 of us waiting for Boyfriend to reach. There were so much food leftover, even after Boyfriend and his friends eaten, we still have to throw away quite a lot. It's like so wasted.
Boyfriend drove me back home to bath and went to Cineleisure but had to head back home to drive my sister to airport. Know what, he actually took only 12 minutes to reach there from my house! Back to Cine to find his friends, by then it was raining heavily already. I couldn't even see the road clearly, so glad that I wasn't the driver. LOL! Went back to AMK Mac for breakfast then head back home le.

Super tired! I slept till around 6 in the evening then get out of my bed.
Boyfriend is starting school tomorrow! Most of my friends are also. No more shopping kaki for me! )=
Ping, go out with me more often!

I gonna miss boyfriend so much.
Why can't this holiday lasts longer?!

2008-06-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

Trimmed eyebrown with JiaJia today! Like finally! It's finally back in shape. Dinner at KFC, went back Hub and saw BaoGuang and ZhiYong. Headed to find Ping and Kok at NTUC, cause someone had to buy container for that special someone. Waited for YuanYi to end work and went to eat supper! Satay, stingray, carrot cake and prawn noodles! Delicious!
Was supper lucky to get on my last bus home.

402 class BBQ tomorrow! I can't wait for it! Miss them so much!

I don't wanna care anymore.
~~Thanks for making my day huh.~~

2008-06-19T23:40:00.002+08:00

I didn't go Zoo today. Was way too tired that even my phone rings, I didn't know about it. Messaged Alex then I went back to sleep. LOL! Made him waited for me since 10am when I only woke up at 3pm. Went down to Vivo City, for dinner and movie. Had Dinner at WhiteDogsCafe, the baked rice is nice, the drink Volcano is heavenly! Well, cause basically the whole drink is covered with chocolate and also included of an ice cream. It's my first time there! Went to catch the movie, The Incredible Hulk. By the time the show finish, it was quite late already so we spilt ways and went back home.
Met up with Nigel for supper, he just moved over to my house nearby! Yay! Now I can have supper without taking cab home. =D

Stop pissing me off!

I miss Boyfriend. )=
He's missing...

2008-06-18T20:47:00.005+08:00

Yesterday morning met up with Alex for breakfast at AngMoKio. After that, we so called shopped AMK Hub. Afterward, he went back home while I headed down to Suntec to wait for Boyfriend to end work, which is freaking long (Okay, fine, it's just half an hour or so.). Lunched at the FoodJunction, if I didn't remember wrongly. Then went down to town and I forgotten what we done. I only know I was bullied badly. And worse is, Sylvester saw me! But I don't know about that, only know when I saw his comment on my friendster. So, it means, HE SAW ME GOTTEN BULLIED! x=
Boyfriend borrowed Mummy's car and we go rounding! Fetch WeiLiang first then went to Jurong Hill chit chatted. Had dinner and I got a chance to take a ride on WeiLiang's bike! But it was uncomfortable compared to Louis's. Maybe it's cause of the I-don't-know-what's-that-thing-call at the back there. And definitely the helmet! It's still an experience for me. (=
Went Yishun Dam and to Puggol Beach again! =D But I still have troubles finding my way there.

Met Ping today, went all the way down to Jurong! =D I like going places we rarely goes to, though I just went there last night. We both did some shopping at NTUC and guess what, we bought chocolates that costs us at least $10 each. LOL! I think the most I spent on chocolates was at least $30 at one go bahs. Not those super expensive kind, just those normal chocolates you can find on the shelfs.

Anyway, I feel really guilty lah! I ps-ed Alex twice lorh! And we planned to go Zoo tomorrow but I am so tired lah. This two days only had roughly 8 hours of sleep. But I feel so bad if I'm going to stand up on him again tomorrow. Argh!

Their holidays are going to end! And I still got no much time to spend with Boyfriend, or rather, he doesn't have any time for me. I'm keeping myself busy cause he is neglecting me! =.=

I don't want this to happen to me!
Never
NEVER!

2008-06-17T10:25:00.003+08:00

It's me, my fault. I'm sorry.
I don't know what came over me last night.
I simply just don't feel like doing anything.
Even though I was waiting for your call,
but once I heard your voice,
I feel kind of irritated.

Maybe I was just thinking too much...
Maybe it's really affecting me...
Maybe I shouldn't care...
Maybe...

Fuck! How could I be so heartless?!

2008-06-16T02:33:00.003+08:00

Now I can proclaim my self freedom, well, actually only half of it. Anyway, I finished my work at the PC show! Be happy for me! Cause I could finally get enough rest. I believe I asked loads of the promoters over there to 'kill me, please'. LOL.

Today was the last day of PC show, the crowds was just so not expected. It was unexpected-ly no people. Not really no customers larhs, just that the sales wasn't that great - as compared to level 4's. And seriously, I hate the way they organised things. Why can't they just let us sell whatever amount of stocks they brought over here? If they are not planning to sell it, why bring it over here in the first place?! One minute telling us that the particular model is sold out, the next minute stating that left whatever amount of sets. Don't tell me that the stocks just arrive, cause I saw lots of it in the storeroom long ago. Don't they know how many customers we have lost cause of that? If they don't wanna earn, that's their problem larhs.
Okay, fine, I'm just so pissed that I can't hit my 2nd bundle amount cause of this stupid planning they have.
However, overall, they're a bunch of nice in-charges? I enjoyed working there for this 4 days, knowing so many new friends, gaining new experience and definitely earning more money income. Well, beside... Having some people snatching your customers away. Yes, I'm actually pin-pointing at that one person. I mean, please larhs, his sales is actually very good already, for what reason does he have to go cut into the conversation of a customer and another promoter when no help is needed? And ending up he got that sale away, isn't that just so inconsiderate? Is not just once or twice, a lots of people have been complaining lorhs. Luckily he never try on me, I definitely will not let him off so easily.

After everything ended, Alex and Ping accompanied me to wait for Boyfriend then they went back home. Boyfriend and I headed over to Mac for supper which was my fourth meals of the day. I had breakfast with Alex and Ping, lunch and dinner provided over at the PC show then supper with Boyfriend. Went back home after that, I'm dead tired!

I don't know what is wrong with you. Or maybe with me? I don't know who. But I only know that we're pissing each other off. My temper haven't been good for the last few days, might be due to not enough sleep, stress from work or even PMS. For you, the most possibility is not having enough sleep and maybe stress from something which you never wanna tell me. Sometimes I just wish that you could tell me what is actually happening to you out there. I never know anything at all and you never say. I am not a mind-reader, I don't understand what you are thinking. I don't have magic, I don't know what had happen or what is exactly happening. I won't force you to tell me if you're not willing to but at least, don't let me know about it.
Who the fuck said couples should share everything they have, regardless of things or thoughts?
I don't believe that anymore.
Damn it.

2008-06-13T23:42:00.002+08:00

I just saw an accident on the road on my way back. A taxi and a bike. The rider was bleeding like mad from his head, that part of road was covered with his blood.
Now, I'm having second thought of learning bike first. Boyfriend also wanted to learn.
Talking about Boyfriend, I meet up with him today! Though it was just for that little short while, I'm still glad for that cause he's leaving for camp already. Er, correction, he had left for camp until Sunday. His holidays and school days like no difference. I only get to see him about once a week still. But the only obvious difference is, when he is schooling, he won't even contact me until he reached home and bathed finish. That time is already so late, only can chat with him awhile then he have to go sleep le. )=

PC show is a killer. Only the second day and I'm tired out! I almost lose my voice on the spot just then. Now I know, people can actually be so cunning. Never trust working partners.

2008-06-12T08:26:00.000+08:00

IT Show, I'm coming! =x

I only had roughly 3 hours of sleep last night. Chatted on phone with boyfriend until 3am, and I was still very hyper at that time. LOL.

Went out with Boyfriend on Tuesday, headed over to town around late afternoon, even though someone came over to disturb me early in the morning but fell alseep after that! Played billard, the first game I ever had. Got thrashed by him, tsk tsk. Saw Nigel when he was going to buy movie tickets. Boyfriend went off for family gathering, I went back AMK for dinner with Ping and Kok. Been meeting the 2 of them lately.

Ping saw him, walking right pass in front of me some more. I must have been blind. After all the time I used to be dreaming about this to happen, I actually didn't notice/see/sense/whatever him. Anyway, that was the thoughts I used to have long ago. And, I realise it wasn't real in the first place, the relationship that is. I never wanted to cherish it that time.

All I know is, I will cherish whatever I have now. Demanding, unreasonable and princess-like I may be but I never wanna lose anyone in my life anymore. I have had regrets, retributions and many other things. The only thing I can't let go, is the fact that I betrayed. I so hate myself for that.

Alright, I'm off for work. (=

Cheer up girl! Smile! =D

2008-06-08T19:04:00.003+08:00

Quiz!

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

2008-06-06T23:52:00.005+08:00

1) If your lover betrayed you,what will your reaction be?
- Definitely cry, though I know it's not worth to tear for some bastard.

2) If you have a dream to come true, what will it be?
- World peace.

3) What will your dream wedding be like?
- By the beach.

4) Are you confuse about what lies ahead of you?
- Kind of.

5) Whats your ideal lover like?
- My boyfriend. =D

6) Which is more bless, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- Both, depend on the situation.

7) How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
- Refer to previous quit.

8) If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
- Depend on the situation.

9) Is there anything that make you unhappy these days?
- Can't think of any right now.

10) Is being tagged fun?
- Not bad? x=

11) How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
- 28? I got no idea.

12) Who are currently the most important person to you?
- Refer to the previous quit.

13) What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
- Georgina, fun loving! xD

14) Would you rather be single and rich, or married but poor?
- married but poor, still able to survive & enjoy a bit?

15) Whats the first thing you do every morning?
- Go back to sleep.

16) Would you give all in a relationship?
- Yup.

17) If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
- Hard to decide.

18) What type of friends do you like?
- Sincere ones

19) What type of friends do you dislike?
- Backstabbers.

Eight people, please dont reject & dont break the rules ^^
1)Jacqueline
2)JiaJia
3)EeWee
4)PeiLei
5)QianNing
6)JiaLan
7)ZhiYong
8)YanMing

2008-06-04T23:55:00.001+08:00

I can't believe that I got rejected! Fine, is not anything serious anyway. Since the other person don't even wanna maintain our friendship, I see no point in asking that person out anymore. Well, at least I tried! Not like some kind of coward that dare not face me, or rather the facts. Tsk tsk.

On the happier side, on the exact day when I was rejected, I found the route to Puggol Beach!

And there was BaoGuang's birthday chalet. Though the amount of people was not a lots but we all have fun. I was so hooked on the spicy chicken wings. Hahahs. Decided not to stay there overnight, cause almost those who were staying are couples, I'll be so odd there. And it will make me miss Boyfriend even more.
Anyway, Happy Birthday BaoGuang! =D

Oh, and I finally met up with Boyfriend! xDDDD
But I don't know when can I see him again. He's always so busy while I'm so ever free.

Okay, I'm off to bed. Boyfriend gonna smack me when he wake up tomorrow. X=

2008-06-02T20:15:00.004+08:00

1. How long will you wait for someone you love?
Depends on how deep the love is. =P

2. What do you want to do now?
Take my dinner.

3. What is the last thing you do/say if tomorrow is the end of the world?
Nothing.

4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?
If I hate them, I won't befriend with them.

5. Where do you wish to die?
Nowhere, cause I don't wish to die.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Yea, it will definitely appear lah. It's scientifically proven, isn't it?

7. What impossible things you wish to do?
Turn back time.

8. Your darkest secret?
If it's meant to be a secret, I shouldn't be saying it.

9. Are you happy with your life now?
I don't ask for more.

10. What if your crush asked you out?
Double confirm it. =x

11. What will you do when you have a crush that knows you have a crush on him/her?
Depends on the situation.

12. What feelings do you hate the most?
Mixed feelings. Cause I'd never know what am I feeling exactly.

13. What will you do if you fall in love with your best guy/girl friend?
Erm? I think I'd keep it to myself first. =x

14. What are you looking forward to in the coming weeks?
Payday, chalet, BOYFRIEND. (:

15. The most important things in your life.
Boyfriend, family, friends, money. xD

16. Who do you hope to always be there for you?
Boyfriend! Cause I know my family will always be there for me.

17. Do you find life meaningless?
Not until I find the meaning of my existance.

18. Who do you love the most?
My grandfather.

19. The craziest thing(s) you ever did.
Almost everything I did are crazy.

20. What's your greatest wish?
To have a world without money.
Only Boyfriend know what I really mean.

21. What will you change if you can turn back time?
My attitude towards studies.

Instructions: Remove one question from above and replace it with your own.Tag 8 people, list 'em down at th end of the post. Notify 'em in their chatbox that they've been tagged.

1)Jacqueline
2)JiaJia
3)EeWee
4)PeiLei
5)LiPing
6)QianNing
7)MeiYing
8)QiTing

take off Q13 and replace with "What is your greatest regret?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Saw my name at Georgina's blog, so I did this.
I am bored, that's why.

I put aeroplane on Roy today! I'm so guilty. x= But my gastric pain act up again once I woke up. That busy guy, so hard to find time to go out one. Anyway, I'm sorry.

Rough schedule for this week,
Tuesday - Meet Ping to take pay, head down to Bao's chalet.
Wednesday - Go back home and sleep! x=
Thursday - Meet boyfriend and if got time go Taka return pass.
Friday - Nothing to do, hopefully got work for the weekend. x=

I can't wait for Thursday to come!
So near, yet so far. )=
I want my boyfriend.

2008-06-02T04:22:00.002+08:00

I'm still awake whereas I was supposed to be asleep already! Damn my gastric. Just when I was about to fall asleep, it started to hurts. Right now, I'm drinking milo and eating otah. x= I want my beauty sleep!

I miss boyfriend. He has been studying and studying and still studying. Totally got no time for me. It is so hard, so damn hard to control myself. I can't keep myself busy so as to not think of him, cause basically I simply have nothing to do.
So, people! Ask me out! Make me busy! x=
I want my pay desperately.

Gosh, I'm so random.
Off to bed.
Damn gastric pain.

2008-05-31T23:38:00.004+08:00

Out of a sudden, I find life amazing. How can it be so strong yet so fragile at the same time?
And also, how can my will power be so weak?! Even though, many times I said I'd never give in but I still do. No matter how many times I told myself not to do it again, I'd still do it. Regardless of whatever, I just find it so hard to go against myself. I never learn my lesson, don't I?

Somehow, I am actually having a second thought of taking that Diploma course. On the first look, it does provide a better future for me. But if I were to think futher, I really doubt that I will stay on the job they provide for 2 years.

I think I am regretting. I shouldn't had appeal. Hais.

I don't know who am I doubting, you or myself?

2008-05-30T00:28:00.007+08:00

Just came back from Yvonne's school concert. I guess this time is a lot better than the previous one? Lucky that I didn't go for the previous one. x=
Anyway, can see that she was really surprised and glad that we were there to support her. It was meant to be a surprise also. And it was really amazing that how people can dance so gracefully.
Oh, and I met up with Deary Jac, EeWee and Rachel at AMK the day before. Bought WanLing birthday present then saw JianYue, BaoGuang, ZhiYong and Roman. Head over to the Mac and had McFlurry! I've been craving for that for a very long time already. Played CS! I really have to train my skill to play with them. I always have the lowest score! Tsk tsk.

Photos!

And for Missy ManLi; contact me when you see this! I don't know how to contact you beside your hp. x=
Anyway, these are the photos that we took during the roadshow. Bored until we went to play with displayed laptop's webcam. Hahas. I had a great time there, with a group of great worker. (=

Darling, it's really a hard time for me. )=
我好想, 好想你.
I know sometimes I was really being very spoilt and demanding. Sorry for that, I know you're busy with your school and I'm trying my best not to disturb but I really, really just wanna spend some time being with you..
I wanted so much to hug you right now, hugging you to sleep, having you by my side everywhere I goes.

2008-05-25T23:32:00.003+08:00

Finally the roadshow is over. I'm so tired! For the past few days, I only had about 5 hours of sleep each day. Anyway, sales was way better for today compare to yesterday. It's like more than double the amount I sold yesterday. I'm so glad with myself. Hahahs.
And today I actually forgotten to bring my handphone to work! I left it charging on my bed and only notice that when I was half way to workplace in mummy's car. Mummy brought down for me at around 4pm. By then, I was already starving and my 'messager' didn't pass my message to HowLee. The first thing I did when I get my phone was to call him and ask him quickly come down for break, I was so hungry! And guess what, I got 12 missed calls and 2 messages. Both messages were from boyfriend. Those calls are from 5 different people. Luckily my phone was set to silent mode, if not I guess my mum will nag at me.

My pay and commission are so pathetic lah. Zzz.

So many words left unsaid. So many things I wished to say. So many, so many..
They are just so not meant to be let out, to be said, to be known.
Let's just keep every fucking troubles/rubbishs/whatever shitty feelings to myself.

I'm feeling so stressful!

2008-05-23T23:30:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I met up with the endangered species type of guy, the one and only who understand myself more than I ever did, the guy that reads my mind, continue my sentences even before I know what I'm gonna say next, the bestest guy friend I ever have - Roy Gao. (=
Honestly, it's not a very good thing to meet him up. Cause is like, we will start pouring out all our troubles and then either or both of us will turn emo. But I'm still glad, to see him after not meeting him for months. (=
Boyfriend joined us for chat awhile after his work, since we were at Suntec. And silly me, left my Ezlink card with boyfriend. Have to dig coins for bus and MRT trips already.

Work at Challenger roadshow at Funan again! However, this time round the people there aren't that good and friendly as the last time. Though there are still a few of them I saw before but most of those that work closer to me are not there anymore, they stayed in-store. And worse, they are short of man power so I'm working alone today! And the worst, I met a pervertic/mental disorder/overly friendly/what-so-ever customer. It's a AngMoh, but unknown to me of whichever country he is from. So I accepted his hand shake (normally Singaporean won't shake hand with you lorh! =.=), after his hands-on on those cameras and all my 'promoter talks', he shake my hand again. Out of politeness, I accepted his hand shake again and for the first time, he kissed my hand! I was damn shocked lah, but since he is an AngMoh, I tried not to be impolite so take it as nothing lorhs. Then he went over MP3 side, our conversation starts again. When it ends, he does that hand kissing again! And even longer! I was totally gross out! And the worst out of the worst, HE ASKED FOR A KISS FROM ME ON HIS CHEEK! I was like, WHAT THE FUCK?! And I still have to reject politely. Damn it. Who the hell said, customers are always right?!
Okay, that's the worst but there are a few more unhappy stuffs happened. Example - I was starved for hours. Zzz. Lazy to elaborate, I only know that I have to endure the gastric pain while serving customers.
Anyway, there was this very cute Indian little girl, she was playing with the balloon, keep trying to hit it up to the Tevo stand but keep missing. And when I'm on my way home, in the bus, saw this two brothers in a car beside the bus, they kept waving to me, one of them even gave me a flying kiss. Hahhas. So adorable!

I've got a lot to say but I don't know how to say and what to say anymore. You never seems to be interested in listening and you never have the time to do so. I seriously feel inferior to anyone around you. I don't even feel important to you at all. Do you even understand how I feel?
Sorry to say but I really feel so useless as your girlfriend. Or do you even treat me as one? I feel like an idiot, totally.

2008-05-21T23:58:00.003+08:00

Who knows how long have I laugh like today.. It have been a long time since I was so happy, real happiness. Only they are able to do that. I really wish time could turn back, I'd definitely cherish every single schooling days with them and never will I skip school again. Yes, I'm regretting but I can't do anything to change the fact, turn back the time or improve whatever is happening in my life right now. It's hard meeting them, they're having such a hectic life with their school. I guess I'm the only one that isn't schooling currently.
Hais.

I feel a sudden lost of freedom.
I detest giving in!

2008-05-20T18:47:00.002+08:00

Yay! I finally get to meet my dear after so long!
Went down to PlazaSingapura, had his dinner at Mac and watched a movie, Made Of Honour. And I finally get a chance to step in Cheeky Chocolate! It's like a Chocolate Cafe, my heaven! Bought a box of 6, it's freaking expensive! Cost about 13 bucks for that six little pieces of heavenly chocolates. And I had already finished it. Boyfriend is gonna smack me for that already. LOL!

Meeting up with my girls tomorrow! Yay! It had been a long time ever since we all went out together. Hopefully, nothing bad happen, whoever knows what I mean. =D

Darling~ I miss you a lot.

2008-05-18T21:36:00.002+08:00

Last night dinner at Serangoon with primary school friends. And that poor poor Yvoone keep getting bullied. LOL. After that went to AMK to watch movie, What Happens in Vegas. Before the show start, went over to Kpool and saw Sebastian. Stayed there and watched them play until it's time for the show to start. After movie, shared cab back home with Derrick.

Today went to Bedok with mummy for dinner. She couldn't find the place and kept saying is around Changi. After endless of driving around, she finally find it. By then, the both of us were already 'over-hungry'.

Boyfriend finished camp, however, is still missing. But he said, we are meeting tomorrow! I just so can't wait for it.

I don't know why but it feels weird, totally.

2008-05-16T23:32:00.003+08:00

I had a great evening today. (=
In fact, it feels great to actually have a friend back. I mean, we weren't on that good terms as before due to some, erm, conflicts? But as time goes by, forgiven and forgotten, everything is back to the same, hopefully.

Met up with Serene and Zana at AMK hub today. Seriously, I think I haven't seen Zana for nearly 3 months already. Was thinking about where to go, then thought of Cheryl so we called her to join us as well. Went over to eat alittle at Mac while waiting for Cheryl but by the time she reached, Zana had already went off for her party at Rouge. =.= WeiCong drove us down to Serangoon and he went back home to enjoy his TV programme. Supposed to go ChompChomp, then changed to ICE³, then to CoffeeBean and lastly, Mac again. Due to the pricing and the seats available. The Mac there was initially quite empty but as the time get later and later, the crowds came in. Chit chatted, done some catching up over there. After that WeiCong came back to fetch us, sent Serene to InterChange first cause a bit out of way to actually send her back home as they are heading towards Sembawang, then sent me home.
Luckily I didn't went down to Rouge with Zana, I think if I did, I must be regretting now. Hahahaa. Cause I'm not a clubber type, but why everyone say I look like one?!

Boyfriend is having camp now. And I'm missing him loads! Hopefully I'd get to meet him on Monday. =D

I never knew nor did I expect it to happen. I mean, it great that we are back, but it actually don't feel the same as before. We seems to be hiding things from each other, not like last time anymore. Seriously, I miss those time, the time we used to have, skipping lessons together, basically just slacking around, doing nothing, chatting about every single thing together. I guess it is kind of hard to turn back time already, since we have our own life to lead, it will never be the same as before.

2008-05-15T14:43:00.005+08:00

I really feel like blogging, but I no longer know what I should and shouldn't blog about. I hate it. Fuck it.

2008-05-13T14:42:00.002+08:00

I wanna complain! It's disturbing! Irritating!

Meeting boyfriend later, he gonna suffer... Or maybe is me? =.=

2008-05-11T23:16:00.001+08:00

Happy Mummy Day! =D

A day out with mummy to Chinatown. And I still hate shopping with her. Clothes I chose, she will say it's not nice and such, making me feel like an idiot. Clothes that she chose, definitely make me feel like I'm back to primary school. The thing is, our sense of fashion is totally different. Only certain stuffs we will agree on it. Anyway, I bought a Nike slingbag. The white one which I wanted it long ago. Suppose to buy another bag for mummy as her very belated birthday present/mothers' day present, or rather both day combine into 1 present. Cause the bag she bought is really expensive. But she don't allow me to pay. =.=
After shopping, mummy drive me down to Suntec to meet boyfriend. Come to think of it, it have been a long time since I ever have a chance to meet boyfriend 2 days straight. I bet there isn't anyone out there more busy than he is, to even don't have much time for his girlfriend. )=
Anyway, we had a 'blood donating session' while waiting for bus. I got a total of more than 10 bites on my left leg. I'm not gonna sit there while waiting for bus at the busstop again!

Happy 2nd month tomorrow! (:
I love you darling. =D

2008-05-11T01:28:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Mervyn! =D

Wow! It's totally surprising. I never expect that.
P.S: It's fucking irritating as well.

I finally meet up with boyfriend. But I was pissed lah! Worst, he don't even know why I'm pissed. )=
Sometimes I really wonder, is he really that insensitive or is he acting like he don't care? I shall dump you for another guy if that happens again! =P

Supposed to work at Challenger at Vivo. Halfway through, went down to Funan's Harvey Norman cause they say Vivo too many people due to some misunderstanding. Met up with HowLee since he was having his break time. Then went down and saw Ben and Johnson. Double surprise cause I forgotten that they're working there. The air con is super duper cold. I'm freezing and shivering down there. And there's no sales again! But the camera side are full of customers! No commission for today as well. )=

I really really miss boyfriend a lot.

2008-05-08T19:16:00.002+08:00

I'm such a paranoid!

Argh, I hate it so much. )=

2008-05-06T16:56:00.003+08:00

Hell lots of things have been happening.
I'm down with fever, sore throat, cough and flu.
Roadshow's a torture. DJ(s) please don't talk that loud. I'm practically shouting at the top of my voice just to answer whatever the customers asked. However, I still prefer working at roadshows rather than in-store.

Everything seems to be crashing down all at once. I couldn't get in Admin @ Bishan ITE. It was expected but due to my persistant, I went down to check it myself thus getting myself disappointed yet again.
CatLim so-called suggested a course for me. I'm seriously considering that. Mummy is making things worse for me to handle. I hate answering her questions, though those questions I've been asking myself as well. Pressures are coming from everywhere.
I so much feel like giving up everything, how would anyone understand?

I need you right now. )=

2008-04-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

Last day of work at NorthPoint. One of them asked me, whether I would miss there. I replied, never, I would only miss the people there. They treat me so good, always treat me this and that. Today weather is freaking hot! Drink more water everyone. (:
And guess what, I actually forget to get the dealer stamp! Then now I've to get down to NorthPoint again. )=

I should have knew not to have my hope so high.
It crashed.

2008-04-29T22:40:00.004+08:00

I feel like an attention seeker.

But I only want that bit more of attention from you.
You'd never understand that.
I'm giving up.
No longer be that seeker.
No longer wanna feel that I'm the one pestering.

The disappointment is greater than anything.

2008-04-28T23:06:00.001+08:00

I miss Boyfriend!!! )=

2008-04-27T23:54:00.003+08:00

It's Hello then Bye and Nothing inbetween.

I think my chance is so slim that I totally hold no hope on my appeal result anymore.
And I think this job is crap!
Argh! Everything seems so crappy lah!
But seriously, this job does pay well only if the sales is good.
And I hate the management. Zzz. Don't understand the way adults do things, why can't they be more flexible? The way they do things are so complicated. They don't do everything strict and they don't let us do things our way. Keeping things in the middle, making me confuse about what's right, what's wrong. Or maybe, I'm the one asking for too much?

I miss my boyfriend!
Dear, please take care of yourself. )=

2008-04-26T22:53:00.002+08:00

I'm having sauna this few days. Zzz. It's total hotness at work! And with no sales at all, everything is so pathetic there! Tsktsk, I sound so bimbotic, complaining here and there. But I think I'll get healthier there. Cause I keep drinking mineral water that they provide, you can't believe how heaty it is over there.
I want more sales! I'm earning crap from the commission! And the basic is just so little!
Okay, I shall stop complainin for now.
I've got 4 more days to tolerate!

2008-04-23T18:56:00.008+08:00

I had a nightmare and I wish you were here to protect me.

Today is my only off day for this 2 weeks. Worse still, he doesn't remember about it at all. And my off day is coming to an end in less than 6 hours time.
Conclusion - I just wasted my time away doing nothing today.

Yesterday work was boring! I can't believe I only sold one MP3 in 2 days. My mp3-in-charge gave me the JJ CD, which is suppose to be the free gift for the Limited Edition T10. Haha. That's why I say, I prefer to work with nice people. =x But I totally don't like the overall-in-charge. He's just so petty! But, whatever! He also cannot do anything to me. Lalalaa~

Somehow, I hope to get back to the period where I don't give a damn to anything. Whereas, during then, I won't takes thing to heart thus I won't get hurt. And I won't care even if I hurt anyone.
Right now, whatever may happen to me doesn't just affect me, alone. I believe it will affect more than 2 person, excluding my family. Last night was a very good example shown to me already.
I've got to learn to be more responsible. Maybe things become like this is all my fault, I should have say thing clear before anything starts to happen.

Anyone else know about me more than you do.

2008-04-22T23:59:00.007+08:00

I just hope this week will pass faster.

你知不知道我很担心，很没有安全感？

你到底有没有当我是你的女朋友？

2008-04-20T23:57:00.002+08:00

Saturday worked at Funan, Challenger Roadshow! And it was fun, totally fun. LOL! It doesn't even feels like you're working at all actually. People there are very friendly also. =D

After work, went down to Coasta Sand for Agnes's birthday chalet. Was actually hasitating about going down at first. Throughout the time there, we just kept laughing at all the stuns Roman done. LOL! Stayed there until morning then mummy came over to fetch me home.

Slept until 4plus then met boyfriend for dinner.
I wonder when can I see you again.

2008-04-17T07:35:00.003+08:00

I couldn't sleep, might be due to the coffee effect. Worse still, I end up crying in my bed.

Memories, something that no one can ever take it away from you. I understand it now. I got no idea why did I'd suddenly think of things that happened years ago. Everything just seems to pop into my mind. I feel so useless. I didn't even do my part, I feel so ashame of myself. Not just that, and even more things that happened then. Something that I never wanna rememeber. Something that I wish it never happen. Something that I can't do anything to change it anymore. Why wasn't I more sensible then?

Argh, my eyes are so puffy right now. And I still couldn't get to sleep! Ping is gonna kill me if I can't get things done on time later. Boyfriend's gonna smack me if he know I didn't sleep the whole night. >.<

I feel so much better to let part of it out than to bottled everything in.

2008-04-15T19:18:00.003+08:00

I don't have to say anything.
And I got nothing more to say.
Even an outsider can see it clearer.
I'm crushed.

2008-04-14T22:41:00.001+08:00

School started for most people le, while I'm still slacking around.
I WANNA START SCHOOL ALSO! )=

I gonna miss boyfriend loads and loads and loads.
I miss hanging out with friends.
I miss waking up early (This is a super miracle!).
I miss school. )=

I think I must have been at home/slacking for too long, thus having slight mental disorder this few days. I only wanna know my dumb appeal result!!

It's just not the same, you understand?
& now I've to imagine life without you.

2008-04-13T12:25:00.012+08:00

Yesterday was supposed to go down Kallang and watch the SYF 2008. But woke up late, delay here and there, ended up JianYue and I couldn't make it on time so decided not go. Went down to town and met up with him first. Walked around the whole town area and bought a pair of shoes. Head down to PlazaSingapura to meet BaoGuang. Then went to BOSS, cause JianYue's friends having party there. Met up with the others there also. But most of us don't feel like going in BOSS so we went off for my super late dinner whereas I was already starving when I met JianYue. Supposed to just slack at some pub there but Gavin's cousin didn't want to and we were "dragged" to PowerHouse to try our luck. Almost got in, but the bouncer said that Roman's height doesn't pass as a 18 years old kid. But it doesn't really matter, cause when I got there, I don't have the mood to club already. So we went back to the pub. Play games, lost , drink and drunk. Ping went home earlier cause of her parents. Was planning to share cab back with her but end up didn't, I don't know why also. Went off to the riverside where everyone started vomiting. But I can't! I so feel like vomiting but I just can't seems to do it. Sat there, chit chatting, resting and everything. Until around 4 plus, I totally cannot take it anymore. Took cab back with Joshua, reached home, bathed and sleep.

Couldn't sleep well, can't sleep much so I woke up quite early today. Don't think I'll be going anywhere. Don't have the mood to do anything right now.

Anyway, thanks JianYue for taking care of me last night.
And thanks Joshua for sending me home.

Do you know how much I wished you were there? ~~But you'd never be, so be it.~~
It's not about the freedom and such. But it just so seems like you don't even care.

I just so wanna spend some time with you before you start school.
And it was our first month, though it is not a big deal but I just wanna be with you.
Or perheps, it doesn't even matter to you at all.
Do you feel the same way as I do?

& my dear, I just love you so.

2008-04-11T11:47:00.002+08:00

Met up with Rebecca for dinner. Went down to Marina Sqaure and had dinner at QiJi. I miss the time when we had our breaktime there or rather, in the storeroom. Wanted to catch some show, but all the time slots are too late. Went over to Suntec and look for boyfriend. Then went to eat again. Hahah. Shopped a bit, went back shop and waited for them to close then went back home.

Things aren't like this in a relationship, all I can say is, she's just fooling around. And all of us can see that right from the start. In fact, you know the truth and I don't the need to tell you again and again. Don't lie to yourself, face up and move on. Show her what you can do. I'll support you!
P.S, she's just a slut. (:
I finally found the feeling again! And it feels great! It feels great to know that someone actually trust you. Thank you, my friend.

Dear, I'm sorry.

2008-04-10T23:39:00.004+08:00

Work today! Tiredness. I've been slacking for too long that my legs can't take standing for long anymore. Worse still, the shoes I bought were too small for my feet. Now I can see bubbles here and there. *Sobsob* Tiring but fun. Most of the time, I'm just fooling around on the selling floor. Chit chatting with Daymas, Ah Xia, Ivan and Auntie Jenny. Erm, okay, honestly is because that are all the people I know there. Bags there are so expensive! A few designs there are quite nice but cost a bomb. And I managed to close a sale! At $139.00, a bag that I found it quite nice as well. Managment there are so complicated and tedious! After work, met up with Jeffery and went to the Mrt station together. Yay, next time got people accompany me home! Went down to Suntec to look for boyfriend despite of my already "swollen" feet. Had supper at McDonald and went back home alone.
I'm half looking forward to the next working day, half dreading the day will come.

You've got no idea how much I hate it. I totally, seriously, fucking hate to be compare to anyone, let alone my sister! I've been compared to her ever since young and I got enough of it.
Don't like the way I look now, so be it, I can't do anything to change what have been done. Please don't put me together with my sister. I'm totally different from her. She's the pretty one, I'm not and I knew that long ago. Stop all your comparision.
Stop it! You're making me going crazy!
Show me some respect, will you? How many times you want me to say? Or you rather I say it right in your face? No matter how wild I can be, I'm still a girl. Please respect me especially when we're in the public.
Sometimes I just wish you would care more about my feelings.
~~Or am I not even worth to be care about?~~

Supper was an excuse. I just wanna spend more time with you. But I guess I chose a wrong date, wrong day and wrong time. Maybe I shouldn't went down in the first place. Maybe I should just went back home... And end up missing you more and more.

2008-04-09T21:55:00.002+08:00

I'm starting work, tomorrow! It's weird, boyfriend quitting job while I'm starting my job. Hahhas. But he's starting school while I'm still waiting for that dumb appeal result.

I chopped off my hair today! Wahahaha. x= No one can ever imagine how I look like now. Dyed to a darker colour as well. Purple~! Well, not exactly purple, just slightly.
Met up with Jacjac and she kept laughing at me! So evil of her. She accompanied me buy shoes for my work tomorrow. That's the only good point of her today! x= Anyway, thanks Deary for walking round and round AMK Hub with me. Hahaha.

She is so weird. She's changing because of her. I don't understand why things become like this. What exactly happened in the past 1 year or so?! What happen to all my friends?! Why can't things stay as simple as possible? Or am I the only one thinking too much out of it?I feel so left out, anyone understand?

Baby, I miss you a lot, you know? )=

2008-04-08T22:44:00.003+08:00

"..when u are not emo
u are damn active
but when u are emo
u are invisble.."
Said by ZhiKai. How true.

Things doesn't seems smooth. I been hearing problems here and there, about he and she or who-so-ever. Somehow I'm glad that my "ignorant period" came at the right time. In a sense that, I don't go around poking into others' business. But I guess I did neglected some people during then. I apologise.

Anyway, Deary, Ping and Kok came my house today. =D Played mahjong and it has been a long time since I won! Though the stake is just very very small but I'm still glad that I won (basically is because I have not win in mahjong for a long time already). Supposed to learn guitar from that stupid Jac, end up we didn't even touch the guitar. LOL.
Boyfriend came over for awhile. =D

I'm just so touched lah! =DDD

2008-04-06T02:39:00.001+08:00

I'm bored. I miss boyfriend. I want shopping. I want play game! X= Cabal cabal cabal~ Wheekok got me addicted to that game. But my desktop don't allow me to play! Only can use laptop but I don't think my mother will allow me to play game for long using her laptop. Sobsob.

Going for second interview at Takashimaya on Monday. A bit, a bit, a bit don't feel like working there. )= But I'm lack of money.

Appeal result on 30th! Still so long. Don't know whether to be anxious or sad or happy or what-so-ever. I seriously don't know whether I still wanna continue to study or not. I mean, I don't have the motivation to study anymore. Aiyah. Whatever. Wait till the result is out then decide, by then everyone had already start school long ago. Hais.

Sigh. This entry is so random like always.

Friendships are so fragile.
Closest friends seems like someone you never know before.
Why can't everything just be as pure as water?
Why must everything be hide behind the mask?
Why can't things be much more simpler?
Why do I have friends like this? )=

2008-04-04T19:21:00.006+08:00

Boyfriend is getting more and more insane. I'm beginning to think that he is some kind of pervert who love torturing people. And I'm the first victim. LOL! He's so gonna kill me when he see this. xP

I somehow realise that I'm getting more and more invisible to the world, or rather the world is getting more and more invisible to me. Suddenly everything seems like nothing to me anymore. I don't seems to care about things that are happening around me anymore. I'm not as observing as before, in fact I could actually be total ignorant of what had happened. I don't understand why did I change to someone whom I don't even know anymore.

This is the result of being abandon by the side when he's so in love with his DotA.
I'm addicted to you.

2008-03-31T03:30:00.001+08:00

I'm such a disappointment.
This is the 3rd time already.

2008-03-29T23:41:00.004+08:00

Went to Plaza Singapura to meet boyfriend because he had to do bank in but the bank at Suntec was closed. It was having some kind of roadshow over there and, guess what, GTR32 was displayed there! Still got some kind of car racing game there also.
Went back to Suntec with him and waited super duper long. Went for a bit of shopping, head over to Candy Empire and bought lots of chocolates. Wanted to give boyfriend but it slipped off my mind when I met him. Hahahs. Luckily, Ping accompanied on the phone all the way. If not I'm gonna be so bored! Sat at the Fountain Of Wealth until his break time.
And and and...
He totally surprised me with a necklace! Awww.
Had KFC for lunch then took bus back to AMK and met up with Ping.
Passed her the CJ7, after it had begin rottng on my table for days. Gave her chocolate also. =D Walked around Hub then went nEbO. Almost order something when mummy called and say she's coming to fetch me. So we just went off, it was like so paiseh, cause got one guy served us when we entered. Accompanied her to buy her dinner, the service there sucks. Tsk tsk.

Darling, it was totally unexpected. It's so sweet of you.
I find no word to express myself, all I could do was smile. (=
I'll cherish it but I'll cherish you more! =D

2008-03-27T16:31:00.000+08:00

LOVE - Literally Over Verbal Explanation

2008-03-26T21:53:00.004+08:00

I'm home alone again. With nothing better to do. I'm bored, any kind soul wanna entertain me? This is so random.

& you never know how much you meant to me.
I'd never know how to ignore you,
or in another words,
not care about you.
To my Dearest,
Though we started off kind of weird but still I just wanna let you know that whatever I said, I mean it. Sometimes I'd find that we're not meant to be with each other, with our personalities and such and you know what, I'm so afraid that you'd realise that and leave me. I know I don't have much confident in you or myself but I'm trying my best. Just that, some how I can't seems to understand you more. You never allow me to..
It hurts when you try to care and the other person don't seems to bother.
I don't know what exactly happened. I just want you to be happy, no matter what. I know it takes time but no matter how long it takes, I'll be there for you.
Urgh, I seriously don't know what to do!
Please think of my feelings before you say anything, I'm a human too.)=
I'm not your cadet or your sex toy, I'm your girlfriend. Respect me, will you?

2008-03-25T21:31:00.002+08:00

Can't believe boyfriend actually worked all the way to morning 9am! So poor thing. Came over my house and slept all the way till evening time, with me disturbing almost all the time. =x Dinner at PrataHouse.
Ping and Kok are so addicted to Viwawa. Hahha. I'm too. xDD

Darling, I don't want you to quarrel with your family. )=

2008-03-24T02:14:00.004+08:00

I'm back from Malaysia! =D
It's my first trip oversea without my family, okay fine, it's just JB but still, it's out of Singapore! Anyway, it was fun lah.
Went City Square and the first shop we went to is.. Inbase! Like I haven't been there long enough in Singapore, went to Malaysia still wanna go that shop.
Had lunch at McDonald, then shopped around. Saw a lot of CJ7 soft toy and decided to buy one for Ping. Cause ShunTai kept talking about the one that she bought for her boyfriend. Got quite a few big big size ones but they're all out of shape and look so ugly. Went arcade before the movie start.
Went to watch movie, Ah Long Pte Ltd. Which is like, Singaporeans went Malaysia to watch Singapore movie, dumb. Anyway, we decide to catch this show because all 3 of us haven't watch it yet.
Had McDonald for dinner again, cause it's like the most convenient for us. Then went for a bit of shopping. Boyfriend chose a dress and top for me. Seriously, I love it a lot. (:
Surprisingly, my phone still have reception there. No, I don't have auto roaming. xDD

Anyway, boyfriend's really sweet today. Taking care of me all along, though torturing of my poor little hand still goes on. (=

I love you, dear.

2008-03-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

Went down Vivo with Ping today. She wanted to go find her boyfriend during his break time but something popped up, end up with a lot of unhappiness. Shall not elaborate. Went down to Suntec to accompany ShunTai during his break time. Had Mac and the workers there tried to end our lifes earlier by killing us with their fries or rather their salt. Finally saw my dear Rebecca today, she look so tired. Met Ping at CityHall and went down to Bugis. Went to find Edwin and YanSheng at Bugis Street then went to Junction for some shopping. And I bought lots of candies! =D Then to Plaza Singapura to find some book and then went back home. Waited for the bus super long.

I'm going to Malaysia with boyfriend tomorrow! =DD
After so long of saying wanna go Malaysia with primary school friends, it didn't happen. Instead, I am going there with boyfriend and his friend. And actually, it feels kind of weird for I-don't-know-what-reason.

Am I asking for too much?
From you or from myself?

2008-03-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

Summarise of my day.

Camped at home the whole day.
Mummy cooked for dinner.
He came over to have dinner. (More like accompany me though.)
As usual, I got abused.
He took cab home again.

And he's complaining that he always take cabs home everytime he went out with me. Hahahs. I'm sorry!
Anyway, I took out that v'day present I got this year. He read that letter and somehow he understand my feeling bah? Ain't too sure, but his reaction is just what I expected from him. That present isn't like that the sender's type. And definitely not my type. Guess it gonna rot in my cupboard.

Darling, I'm sorry for being so demanding sometimes. And please, KEEP YOUR PROMISE! =.=

2008-03-20T23:47:00.003+08:00

Went down to AMK, met up with Ping first. Waited for TanShunTai until I can rot. Headed down to Gerald's house.
Went to the nearby coffee shop and had my dinner. Supposed to go Gerald's house to play mahjong but end up I didn't play at all. That's great, cause I won't have to waste money. Hahas. Watched tv until 10pm then went back to AMK for their super late dinner.
Walked around then went back home le.

I shouldn't force you along.
I'm sorry. But thank you for agreeing.
Missing you isn't a crime. Missing you too much is a torture.

Thanks for the moon burn huh.

2008-03-19T23:44:00.006+08:00

Went down to Suntec and accompany ShunTai during his break. After that went down to Orchard and met up with SiJun. Went over to Far East Plaza looking for bag and I saw LiLing! So long didn't see her already. (= Then went down to Plaza Singapura as she need to go down to get her pay. Met her friend on the way there. They couldn't cash out the cheque on the spot cause by the time we reached there, the bank had closed. Went to find Dennis and he was super shocked to see me. He even asked me, "You still remember me arh?" Of course I do, he's also not those friends that I didn't meet for many years, some more, even those many years didn't meet I might also still remember. After that they went to smoke then her friend went off. Then we go shopping! But bought nothing. She had her lunch there, didn't ate anything since I wasn't hungry. Went back to Suntec, did some shopping and I bought a musical box (without the box). So unique! The music it is playing is call The Music Box Dancer. Bought donuts also. Waited for him to finish work. SiJun went to find her boyfriend, he went to find his friend and I went back home.

I realise that, to find people that have same thinking, same liking and everything almost alike to your own, is very hard. SiJun is almost like that. We have the almost same thinking and liking and such. But, well, there're still a few things that are different also. Glad to have such a friend like her. (:

& when you said you're tired and no time to accompany me, there you go.
I am fucking damn freaking jealous, pissed and everything.
Fuck it. Devastated.

Hold on, hold on.
There's a limit to everything.

2008-03-18T04:31:00.003+08:00

Went Toa PaYoh and met up with JianYue. Had dinner and bought tickets for the movie, The Water Horse. Walked around, was looking for bag while he was looking for leather shoes, which for whatever reason, I still think he's doing something pointless. Went Sakae, had chiwamushi. Helped JianYue get one of the waitress's number. But she rejected straight. Wahahaa. Seems like he's not that attractive. LOL!
Anyway, the movie was nice. But the one I watch it with is terrible. I can't even watch the movie in peace! Is either he keep talking or he keep moving. Moving, I mean as in shaking his legs and hands. Violently shaking, it was super irritating. *Self note: Never watch movie with him ever again.
Went back home by taking the last bus.

Things haven't been easy for everyone around me. People are feeling so troubled. Why is it so? I don't mind listening to all their troubles but the problem is they aren't saying anything. And even if they do say anything, they can't do anything to save the situation or they have to make a hard choice. Life's tough.

Super suprisingly, Noel called me. Talked about things I never wanna think of again. Things that I never wanna face up to. Things that I wished it doesn't happen. I don't understand, don't understand a single shit he's trying to do to me. Let the past be the memories and STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!

I don't want to play the game of jealousy! Cause I know I'd lose and I'd have everything done wrongly when I'm jealous! Why is it that the simplest thing is always the hardest to obtain? I shall not ask for more. I shall not be greedy. I need more confidence!

Promises are meant to be kept.
But you never did.

2008-03-16T23:47:00.005+08:00

Yesterday went down Suntec to accompany ShunTai during his breaktime. Headed back to AMK and met up with Ping and Kok at a coffee shop that is nearby AMK Hub then went over to nEbO. Slacked, had some snacks and played game there until 9 plus then went over to meet him after his work. Waited for him alone, $%^?&*!#$%">!#$%^?&*!#$%#&!@. But it's okay, cause he's always the one waiting for me. Wahahaha.
Took bus down to Marine Parade and walked to East Coast. Bought junk foods, found a place to sat down and chit chatted. He told me things I never know, which for once, makes me feel like I'm not as intelligent as I thought I am(in another words, I'm dumb). Things he said are like so knowledgable and I actually know nothing about it. And right there and then, I have the urge to learn everything that I'm interested in. But it's impossible for that to be done. Stayed at East Coast all the way till 6 in the morning, couldn't get the chance to see my sunrise, cause he was too tired, that's understandable. Took bus back home.

Woke up super late today, roughly around evening time. Dinner at my house nearby, was forced to eat things that I don't like to eat! =x

I'd be so bored tomorrow! Anyone wanna go out? *Sigh*

The disappointment, you'd never understand. Is like you're denying me. It hurts deep down inside. It's just so hard to know what you're thinking. And I'm losing my mind as well. I don't even know what I'm doing when I'm with you.
The most important thing is trust. Time and again, I lost to trust. Why can't I trust people around me more?!

I know you care for me.
& I just love the way you care. (=

2008-03-15T04:40:00.001+08:00

Supposed to meet Ping for shopping today but her boyfriend was sick so she went down to take care of him. Then supposed to accompany ShunTai down to NgeeAnn Poly for his enrollment thing and searching for his laptop but not enough time to do so. Still meet up with him and we went down BoonLay to look for WeiLiang. Had my dinner which was also my first meal at JurongPoint. Slacked at the shelter at WeiLiang's house nearby until 11pm. Took bus back and had supper at PrataHouse, whereas I just had dinner there last night as well.

Sometimes things doesn't go the way we want but still, try your best and I believe you'd get what you deserve. I have no right to ask you give up or anything. But it hurts me seeing you like this. I might seems unconcern, don't bother and things like that, in fact, it is just that I don't know what I should actually say. And right now, I only can tell you - Girl, please stay strong.

I'm so glad that I finally found the courage to ask you those questions. If not, I'd still be in doubt and make myself feel so troubled. I know things were a bit rushed, so right now, let's take things slowly, okays? Maybe we both are actually still not very sure about our choice but I'm willing to give it a try, like what you said.
Though I hate trying in this kind of thing but I realise that, this is what we have been doing. Everything were gone through by trying, nothing is definitely confirm. I prefer to say it as, "Do my best" rather than "Try my best". Someone once told me, there's a big difference when you say "You'd do your best" and "You'd try your best". Including "try" in your sentence makes it sound not confident in getting things done. And thanks to that someone, I tends to hate it when someone tell me he/she will try.
That's why I was so disappointed when you told me "try". But, at least I wasn't rejected flat on my first confession. (:

2008-03-11T12:38:00.002+08:00

Argh. What have I done. Something that I can't turn back. Something which I knew I would regret yet I did it. I sweared to myself I would never do it again, why now?! I seriously hate the way I am now.

Confessing isn't as easy as it seems. But it actually feels good to let the other know that you like him/her. (:

Mummy went oversea yesterday evening. I couldn't go along, she said she only goes there for praying.

When I turn on the laptop, I've lots of things in mind to let out. But when I started typing, I find no words to fill. To actually fits in what and how I actually feels now. A complete lost.

Another freaking random post.

Let's see how it goes. Try is not the word.

2008-03-10T14:36:00.005+08:00

Saturday went for dinner at AMK with Ping and Kok, at the bubbletea shop at Jubilee there. After that went to walk walk around AMK Hub. Then Ping went home and we head over to Mervyn's house. Waited for WeiJie to end work and come over. And then we start our mahjong session! It has been a long time since I last touched mahjong tiles. Hahas. And as expected, I lost lah. Play till around 3 then mummy came over to fetch me as she was on her way home also. Slept at around 6 in the morning.

Supposed to meet Ping, Kok and Yong at noon yesterday. But my handphone battery went flat, no alarm to wake me up thus I'm late. Went over to Suntec alone. The crowd was terrible! Had lunch at KFC then went off to accompany ShunTai and Rebecca during their break time. After they finish their break, I wanted to go find Ping they all. But they were at the IT Fair, and I even had trouble moving towards there. So I decided not to go find them, rather wait for them at other place. Called Herman and just nice, he was having break. Head over to MarinaSquare. Shopped and slacked, he treated me an ice cream. (:
Ping, Kok and Yong came over to find me with JiaLan. Had Swensens for dinner, and that got me hooked on their omelette. After that went back to AMK and played arcade. And Kok got me 2 cute soft toy keychains.

I'm so trying to get over you. But when I look at the comment for my secret, I find myself tearing like again. And then, I realise you're gone. The feeling is totally different. Good and bad. I don't know how should I elaborate the bad, but for good, I don't think I have the need to explain that.

To that person who's always there to make my day,
Thanks for being there when I'm feeling down. Though the way of being there is so unique, cause all you have done is making me feel irritated yet happy. I just enjoy being with you. Cause you're like a brother to me, ~~or maybe not.~~ (:

2008-03-08T16:23:00.001+08:00

I had a dream. The dream was so real, so real that it makes me cried in my sleep. All I knew was, I'm running, running away from you and her. I just kept running, through blocks and blocks of buildings. While you were holding on to her hand, chasing after me, searching for me. It still hurts, you know?
You left a wound when you leave and every memories of ours is like the blood, never ending..
I tell myself, over and over again, never rush into a relationship no matter how much I love that guy and no matter whether the guy is really that trustworthy. I don't know to actually be glad that you ended this relationship early or to be sad and cry or what-so-ever. Given our characters, I doubt we would lasts. I bet you know that too. But I was too blind to realise that then.. Blinded by love. Sometimes when I think back, I'd find myself hating you. Yet sometimes I'd find myself missing you more. I haven't even touch the present you gave to me ever since that day. I don't even dare to read that letter anymore. Everything is still the same as when I first received it. I didn't even open the present. Maybe the day when I open the present, is the day I get over you.

Yesterday went TTSH to visit BeeYee. She just had an operation. Seeing her lying on the bed, looking so weak and such, makes me think of how some people don't cherish their lifes yet there are people trying so hard just to stay alive. How many times have I been to TTSH this 2 years? Countless. People around me getting hospitalised again and again. I fear of going to hospital to visit, in fact, I rather to be the one to be visit.

This entry is so random. I'm just feeling so down.

& you never know just how much you mean to me.

2008-03-06T22:19:00.003+08:00

Went to watch The Leap Year with Deary, Rachel and Fenny. The show is nice. At first I thought the show will be like those typical Singapore movie, end up it's totally different. The storyline is quite good though there are some parts that I don't really like it. Ending wasn't what I expect, and it kind of end off suddenly. Jacqueline was noisy lah! =x Wahahahaa. Shopped awhile then head home.
ShunTai came over before I went out. And I was abused! He's so not a gentleman, I can't believe it. Tsk tsk. Hahahas! But I got my revenge, I bite him and left a scar. LOL!

如果让你去，你一定就不会再回来了。
This sentence is taken from a show. I find it meaningful and noted it down. And right now, I find this sentence fits in my situation totally. But the only difference is that, in the show, the actor didn't allow the actress to leave but I did. Allowing you to do everything you wanna do.
~~It doesn't matter now.~~

2008-03-04T23:35:00.004+08:00

Went back to Simei today! Like after so long. I miss going school! Met Ping in the morning at AMK then went down to Tampines and met Zana. Serene couldn't make it as she is sick. Went to take our certificates then went to pool room. =D
Kind of booked a table, isn't really book lah, just that the Uncle helped us find table to play later in the afternoon.
Went cafe1 and had our lunch. Saw so many weird looking uniforms. BT ladies are wearing the 'head-to-toes' white, and now they're in pants rather than skirts. The hairstyling course uniform is.. Ugly. Unique but I totally don't like the design. Same goes for the cookery course or something. Same design but in different colour only. Went to play pool after that, skill dropped!!! But it doesn't matter, cause is the fun that matters.
Headed down to PlazaSingapura to find Dennis to get my PSP. Stepped out of station and Herman called out to me. Shocked to see him there. Hahas. Rushed to the shop as Ping is waiting for me at the station. I was super shocked when he came out the storeroom. Instead of a small little plastic bag containing my PSP, I saw him holding a bigger plastic bag walking out. Inside contain 3 boxes of chocolates, 2 cute soft toy keychains and my PSP. I knew about the 2 soft toy keychains but the 3 boxes of chocolates is a big surprise to me. And those chocolates aren't cheap at all! And honestly, they taste heavenly. (:

Thanks for everything. I appreciated it.
Then went down to Toa Payoh and met up with BaoGuang, Gavin and JianYue. And surprisingly, JianYue's ex-girlfriend was there too. Had Mac while waiting for them to finish their game. Saw Sam and his girlfriend, and Sam know Gavin also! Slacked around until around 8 and headed home.

It's so not the same anymore.
You're not the you that I used to know anymore..

2008-03-04T02:29:00.003+08:00

I wish you would see this and know that I'm talking about you.
I fear of losing you, even as a friend.
I fear of letting you know too much about me.
I fear of things that might happen next.
I'm afraid of what he's afraid might had already came true.
I wonder how do you see me as. I wonder how do you think about me.
It's tough guessing what others is thinking.

& I mean it when I said I care.
I seriously do.

2008-03-02T20:47:00.006+08:00

"It takes two people to make a lie work. The person who tells it and the one who believes it."

Went down to Yishun with mummy today. Bought Kiki to bath, then went NorthPoint to have dinner. Shopped a bit, went Popular and finally bought a novel. (:
It's a boring day lah. After I started working, I keep having the urge to go shopping. People who know me should know that I never like shopping. But I don't know why I keep wanting to go shopping. Clothes, shoes, makeups and everything. I need to control my spending!
And I'm still so in love with this watch.
And and, I'm thinking of getting the I.P Zone sweater. Then white one, but I don't really like the design at the back. Hais. Where can I find some plain one?

Somehow, you just keep popping into my mind.
For the first time, I read through all your messages. I miss the time we used to have. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I used all my courage and actually deleted all the messages in my phone, all our photos and any other things that include you. I need to move on..

2008-03-01T01:30:00.002+08:00

I hate copy cats!
I don't care what you copied, but at least a credit for me will be better.
I don't care if it's a phrase, a picture or what-so-ever.
I don't copy from others, and if I do, I will state.

I never expect you to be the one who actually did the copying.
Where is your sense of originality?!

2008-02-29T21:16:00.004+08:00

Afternoon went down to Suntec and find ShunTai for lunch. He is such a bully lah! Know where is all my blue black spots and keep pressing them. So ungrateful! Never appreciate me for going down all the way to have lunch with him and still treat me so bad!
After he went back to work, I went down Inbase to take my shoes. Chatted with them. Aww, I miss working with them. Denise and Kelvin went to pierce the lip there that part, don't know how to explain. It's like super cool lah! But I think it's super pain lorh!
Then headed down to PlazaSingapura. Find Dennis and left my things with him, then went down to find ChenLiang. Supposingly, went down PlazaSingapura is only to pass Dennis my PSP, ended up I stayed there longer than expected. Walked around while waiting for Dennis's break time. Had Yoshinoya then went to San BookStore. Nothing catch my attention, but it got me wanting to read a book. Went to get my make up remove and stuffs. Bought a box of japanese candies also. =D
Borrowed Dennis's extra handphone as mine was already dead after talking to Ping for hours. Wanted to go Thomson Plaza's Popular to get some book. End up, I didn't, cause it was late already and I was tired after walking the whole day.

I feel bad. Dennis bought a top, which I eyed on it for a long time, for me. And then he paid for dinner as well. Lucky he didn't have time to go shopping with me, if not I think he is going to pay more stuffs for me and I'm going to be more guilty.
I can't believe I actually travel and did most of the shoppings by myself alone. It's such a miracle for me. Even Ping is surprise.

The japanese candies. (:

You're on my mind the whole day through.

2008-02-27T22:26:00.008+08:00

My so called 'last day' today! =DDD
Last night ShunTai and Dennis came over my house to pass me my phone. Slack around then went out to have their dinner at PrataHouse. After that went to nearby areas to play around, chit chatted and such until 4am then they accompanied me back home to bath. Bathed finish then headed down to Tampines and I waited alone at ShunTai's block downstair for him to bath while Dennis went back home. Supposingly, Dennis was to come down and meet us for breakfast but he went MIA. So, without Dennis, we went for breakfast then ShunTai brought me around Tampines area. The views are so nice! Until 9plus then we took bus down to Ubi (Warehouse). I slept all the way throughout the journey.
Today have 6 people there, we rushed throught everything. Hahaa. You never wanna know what we did. To think that I can actually sleep there while the guys pack the stocks. I'm evil, hahas. Was just taking a short break, too tired already. Lunch at the same place, left Ubi at 5 plus. Then went down to TampinesMall and met up with Dennis. Slept all the way there also. Dinner at LongJohnSliver then took bus back to Bishan, changed bus and home.

Anyway, this watch is super nice. Click here. I'm so in love with it!

Appearance are deceiving, I know. You're just acting like you're really happy but I know deep down inside you're not. I can sense, I can feel, I can see. I finally get the meaning of it. 'To make other people happy, just make a fool of yourself, even if you're not happy.' I get it now, and I shall learn. And this is what you 2 have in common. Making a fool of yourself, making me laugh and feel irritated at the same time.
I enjoyed the time I had with you today. Thanks for taking care of me along the way.(=

I'm learning to let go, you know that too. Don't pin too much hope on me, cause I know I will definitely disappoint you. What shocked me most is.. your messages. I never expect that to come. I never expect you will even remember I'm working at the warehouse. I never expect you will even contact me ever again. It did bring smiles on my face but I know it won't last long. Sweetness never does. Thank you, for all your care and concern, for all the love you gave, for everything you've done for me. I apprecate it a lot, and every little thing means a lot to me.

2008-02-25T23:51:00.001+08:00

Working in warehouse was fun and tiring. Met up with ShunTai in the morning before heading to Ubi. Worse still, he haven't reach and he don't allow me to go buy bread! Tsktsk. Some more, bring me play merry-go-round/hide and seek. Ask me go bus stop, he at Mrt station then ask me walk back there again. =.= Ended up, we took cab down and still late.
While waiting for cab, I saw him. This might be the last time seeing him already. I have the urge to go up to him and actually give him a hug right there and then. But I know what I should do and what I shouldn't do.
Anyway, warehouse was madness. Super duper ultra hot! And, I learn my lesson, go warehouse never, never wear white top or bottom. That place is so dirty lah! After doing everything, my hands were like some kind black thingy, don't even look like my hands. x= Starting I kept sneezing there also. First time so sensitive towards dusts. I was so slow in doing those packing, ended up Chloe helped me some. And I envy those guys! I mean, they can do all this chores without their shirts on! =x Lunch at the traffic police center, ended work earlier than expected. (:
After work, went to Juntion8 with ShunTai for dinner at PastaMania. After eating, went for a bit of shopping around. Then went to watch him play MaximumTune3. He is so pro lah! Every turn and pull back is so perfect. The lining and such.. I want his skill! =x After that went back home by bus. On the bus then realise, I left my handphone with him. And I can't contact him when I'm on bus, when I reached home, he was already quite far away le. Sobsob, I'm phoneless tonight. I wonder how am I going to wake up tomorrow. )=

I am not gonna expect anything from you anymore. By now, I have already gotten your answer. It's so direct and straight in front of me, how can I not know? Don't expect me to say I don't have any feeling for you, don't expect me to say 'I love you", cause I know it's not worth it. Like it or not, I'm leaving things as it is. You're not gonna bother neither am I. No matter how sad I'm, I won't be able to change the truth. All I can do now is to accept the fact that is cruelly killing me inside.

2008-02-25T02:23:00.002+08:00

My last day at Inbase! And I'm starting to miss the people there already.
On the way to work then realise that I forgotten to bring my MC. Thus got the 'talking' from Jacky again. Called mummy to help me bring it down. Called Bugis and check out my schedule and guess what, from Monday to Friday I'll be stuck at warehouse! Is it a good thing or bad thing?
After work, went to have supper with them. Due to the bet with Jacky, I have to treat them a meal. But they're not so heartless lah. They got pay me back some amount. Thanks! =D Cab home with ZhiKai and the taxi driver told us that.. He didn't sleep for 2 days already. I was like, What the hell?! Will we get in a accident? Hahas.
Anyway, I forget to bring back my shoes! So I think, it will rot in the storeroom for a week before I got the time to go and collect it. LOL!

Do you know how much it hurts to hear you say those words? I never thought it will affect so much on me. Can you please think through things that you wanna say before you say it out? Think about how the other person will feel. How about tell your ex girlfriend that you never like her before? It is the same as what you said to me. Thanks a lot huh.

2008-02-22T11:48:00.006+08:00

Thursday

ShunTai and his friends came over to fetch me from work. Serene was supposed to be waiting for Zana and I as well, but she got tired and went back home early. Work is getting bored, crowds is getting smaller and smaller. And and, I still don't wanna go Bugis Junction! ShunTai's driving skill is like so great lah. Got horned by others for don't know how many times. Hahas. Went down to PlazaSingapura nearby and had chicken rice for late dinner. After that spilt into 2 groups, 3 of them went off to play lan and the 4 of us went off for a bit of rounding while sending one of his friend home. Go up to Jurong Hill for the second time. The view there is still the same as before larh. But going there with different people will have different feeling. After that sent his friend home then Zana back home also. Then went back to fetch the 3 of them. Slept in the car on Dennis's lap. Bet his leg went numb. Hahaha! =x And that stupid ShunTai! Almost bang into a group of teenagers, and due to his emergency brake, I almost fly off my seat. After everyone went home, left ShunTai, Dennis and me. Went Devils' bends, Old Upper Thomson then to AMK and had Mac breakfast and home at 6am! (:

Friday

I didn't go for the graduation ceremory. Wanted to go down Simei to appeal for the course thing but I couldn't wake up. Ended up, I woke up and prepared to go out with LiPing, Qiting, QianNing, Jacqueline and PeiLei. Met them at Bishan and I was late. Sorry. Went down Vivo and catch Death Note: L Change the world. It's a no link show. I prefer the original DeathNote story line. And I saw Nicholas! Is like after so long never see him. Went over to PetSafari and I bought snacks for Kiki. Then to Daiso, bought some stuffs for myself. Shop around then went back to AMK. Met up with Dennis, cause my PSP with him since last night, forgotten to take back. He sent me home and took a cab back, he's such a rich guy uh.

I'm sorry. I had already told you my decision long ago. I knew you already know the answer, why do you still have to ask me?

Why do I think of you again and again? I know I didn't get over you totally, I know I won't also. I don't feel like letting go, you know? I don't feel like forgetting you, you know? I don't feel like leaving you, can I not? I don't know how you're feeling right now. And I don't even know how I'm feeling or evern thinking right now. Is like, I don't know what I'm holding on anymore. I don't know how to move on already. Is not that I'm moving back, but just staying on the same spot and not moving. I'm not trying at all, I know that! But what can I do? I can't do anything already. who will ever understand this feeling?

2008-02-20T23:00:00.003+08:00

I resigned yesterday. Leaving the company next week. It was said that I were to be transfer to Bugis starting from next week, but I don't know what's their decision now. I didn't resign cause I was transferred. I resigned cause I don't wanna work anymore. Maybe I might regret this decision next time. But I'm firm in doing so now. I'm so gonna miss the people working at Inbase.

I felt weird, yesterday. I was so not myself. Even ZhiKai noticed it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I seems to have some brain blockage or something.

Went to dye my hair today! Black! x= And red lah. I not so rich, go salon just to dye my hair black. After that went down to AMK. Saw Gerald, Baoguang and Marilyn. Went to chat with them while waiting for Serene. Ended up, they join Serene and me at Kpool. Saw Wheekok and JunKai there with his girlfriend also. And that reminds me, I forgotten to inform JunKai about the cancelation of the mahjong session. Hahaa.

Is it true that you're leaving for oversea? Am I not able to see you ever again? Am I not allow to contact you ever again? It's dumb, you know? I feel like a fool, you understand? I don't even know what is the truth anymore. Why can't we just take some time off and talk? Why can't we just solve everything at a go? Why must we avoid? Why must we act like nothing had ever happen? Do you know the pain I feel everytime I see you? I have lots of questions, unable to ask, don't know how to ask and don't have the chance to ask.

2008-02-18T23:36:00.003+08:00

I actually got off from work at 9! But nevermind, I don't really mind working more. Tomorrow full shift. And cashiering is still fun! Hahaha. I'm crazy, don't mind me. (:

Saw Yingen at MRT station. Is like so coincidence. I was early today! And to think that I actually woke up late. Seems like I don't have to wake up as early as 7.30am already. Bought breakfast and went work. Nothing much happened, just cashiering and conversion. Packed the bins and such, it's tiring! Bet the bins will be super messy after a few days. The new jeans is nice lorh! But super expensive, so not worth the price. And I saw CaiLing! She's working at MuJi, I think? Didn't get to talk to her, cause when I was about to approach her, there's a payment to be done. After that I couldn't find her already.

I still can't get the answer. Or maybe I did, but just that I'm avoiding all along. Or rather you're the one avoiding? I don't know. I find it so weird, that how things ended up like this. Was I too persistent? Too stubborn? Too irritating? Too sensitive?

I feel like a pest, you understand?

Somehow feel that you're irritated just with my presense.

I don't know what's the next step, I don't know where I'm heading towards anymore.

I can no longer believe in you, nor myself.

2008-02-17T21:48:00.004+08:00

Tell me then, what is this feeling?

I was late for work. Woke up at 9.30am. Tsk tsk. This is what happen when you didn't sleep for days. Lucky Jacky wasn't there and Kelvin allowed me to 'sign in' at 10.30am. And and, cashiering is fun! Hahahs. Been cashier for 2 times, no shortage. =D Still in learning procedure. I actually spent half an hour counting cash and still didn't get it tele! Ended up, cause of my deal with Jacky, I have to treat the whole Inbase staffs a meal. Rebecca got shocked, cause the first time when I count, it have a shortage of $500 plus. Hahah! Sorry.
Took bus back home and fell asleep in the bus. Super tired.

I don't feel the same when I looked into your eyes.
I don't feel right at all.
& yes, I miss you still.

2008-02-16T23:19:00.005+08:00

I haven't sleep for 2 days already. It's tough, very tough just to get you off my mind. I have to keep reminding myself that you're not my boyfriend anymore, you're her's, someone I've never met before. Someone who did something wrong and got you back. While I, the one who always try so hard, loses you. It's just so unfair, isn't it? You don't even give me a chance to choose. You don't even allow me to express myself.

Everyone asked me to let it go, but tell me, how am I supposed to do so?
Though it obviously you won't come back to me, deep down inside I still hope for your return.

For now, I shall treat it as nothing happened between us before. Just like how I first know you, only difference is right now you've got a girlfriend and the girl isn't me.

My dearest boy,

I always know you're important to me but I've ever knew that you're that important. I know whatever I say now is like rubbish to you. Maybe you might even think I'm just trying to get your pitiness, but I can tell you, I'm not and I don't need it. I just need a place for me to let go of everything that is in me. I had broke down many many times cause of you. I tried not to think, not to care, not to cry. Nothing works, I still think of you, care about you and cry cause of you. It's a regret of not being able to hold on to you. It's a regret of letting you go. But I'm fine with it, as long as you're happy with what you've chosen, nothing else matter anymore. So long as you're happy..

Just remember, I'll always be there for you. Anytime, anywhere, just a call away.

& who's the one who said not to spoil the friendship and such?

2008-02-15T08:14:00.002+08:00

Is this how it is suppose to be?

Partially because of you, you said? Then may I ask, why so? Or maybe I don't even have the right to know?

I actually already kind of expected what will happen, but I kept telling myself to trust you. And in fact, right up to the very moment when I read the letter, I still trust you. But it seems like the trust exist for a wrong reason. I told myself the night before, If he's really gonna leave, I'd let him go. And now I find it so hard to do so. I've never once breakdown on the spot of knowing a breakup, this is the first. I've never have to act like this after a breakup, this is the first. The tears can't stop, the pain won't go away and the trust just seems so.. Useless.

幸福是自己掌握的

快乐是自己寻找的

爱情是自己去珍惜的

可是最美的回忆是永久的

坦实, 我掌握不了我的幸福了

没有了你, 我的快乐以近不存在了

珍惜了爱情, 我得到的并不是我要的爱

I'm feeling so dumb, so dumb, so dumb. So uselss, so worthless, so irritating. Everything just suddenly doesn't make any sense to me at all. I can't bring myself to not forgive but yet I can't bring myself to forget. Forget the love, the trust, the time spent and you. It was Valentine's day, I don't mind not spending it with you. But why do you have to leave? I don't understand, I don't understand at all!

Just reached home not long. I didn't went back after work, I don't want to. I know what will happen if I go back home, I don't want it to happen. I chose to avoid like again. Called up people to stay out with me. And finally found Jianyue that group. That's me alone with the all guys after Jacqueline and JiaNi left. And we got screened twice. Nothing much happened there, just some chit chatting and such.

Even at work, I wasn't myself today. I was normal, totally normal before my breaktime. And then the letter, the tears, the talks and even more tears, I went crazy. I don't know how I was feeling then, I don't know what's sadness and happiness. All I did was.. My job, what I'm supposed to do.

No hard feeling towards him, but just feel so.. Pissed when I heard him saying about the hospital part. He was like so anxious to get there and be with her...

And with that, I thank you for I know where I stand already.

What if I say, I don't want you to go, will you stay?

What if I say, I can't live without you, will you stay?

What if I were to die tomorrow, will you even care?

What if...

2008-02-14T03:21:00.001+08:00

Kill me please.
This kind of torture is even worse than killing me.

I simply hate myself.

2008-02-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

I keep telling myself to be understanding. To actually understand what you're going through and not being so sensitive. But you know what? I can't! I'm just so sensitive that every little thing affect me. I hate this, seriously. I don't want all the negative thoughts. I don't wanna think that way. Don't make me breakdown, don't make me give up. I'll always try my best, until I really can't take it anymore. I know, I'm not your ideal girlfriend, not the type you'd spend the rest of your life with. I know. You asked me to be myself, I can only tell you, I'm always myself. Which is actually.. Being myself to fit in what you expect me to be. And I know one thing for sure, I can't live up to your expectations.

I told Jacky that I wanna resign. And he talked to me for almost an hour in the storeroom. I'm having second thought is cause of him also. I mean, he just returned and I'm leaving. That doesn't really make sense. Is not like I'm having some misunderstanding with him also. He seems like a better incharge, at least someone who is actually more caring about his staffs. Boyfriend told me to stay on until my contract ends. I don't think I'd be able to hold on for that long. I'm doubting myself and my ability to do so. I'm afraid I might even have trouble staying on until the end of this month. What should I do?!

I know everyone is gonna say this decision can only make by me. I know, but I'm confuse now.

I'm upset. I'm disappointed. How could you treat me like this? )=

2008-02-11T23:23:00.000+08:00

I'm on MC! For 2 days already. Jacky is coming back tomorrow, and I'm quitting tomorrow as well! Oh well, not really quitting but just inform them, cause need a week advance before I can go off. Better get things done early, then I can get prepare for my graduation ceremony! I can't wait to see my classmates!

Went polyclinic with Ping, she accompanied me there. And I accompanied her buy slippers. Ended up, I bought a pair of shoes for myself by NETS again! I'm paying everything by NETS and now, I don't even know how much I left in my account. Finally bought the memory card, but I don't know how to use lah. Like so mafan.
Had dinner and went to watch KungFu Dunk! That show is crappy lah!

Does it matter right now? You already knew the truth. No matter how hard I try now is not going to make a different.

2008-02-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

I'm sick of everything!

Enough, I'm not going to try all this shit anymore. Take it or leave it. Why am I the only one trying so hard? No one bothers at all! Every single thing, I'm just so sick of it.

I've lost my voice. Feeling terrible during work today. Could actually just faint right there. Today ended work at 1am plus! Just reached home not long ago. Lots of things happened, the mood in shop today was totally down, well, for me at least. I don't have the mood and energy to serve. Bought panadols during break time, and took 7 pills. But no effect at all!

It doesn't matter anymore. Doesn't matter to you, anymore. I'm like totally invisible. Do I even exist in your life? Do you even remember me? What if I were to disappear tomorrow? Will you even bother to find me? It's just so one sided. Seriously, I envy those couples out there. How many couples behave like we do? Not any that I know. Sometimes I really wonder, do you even treat me as your girlfriend? )=

2008-02-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

Went over to grandma's house in the afternoon, had lunch and also bai nian. Then came back and bai nian again. Everyone commented on my shoes. Zzz. At night went AMK hub with Yvonne, Georgina, Sabrina, Shawal, Derrick and Tidus, Yvonne's friend. Met them at around 9pm then went to Cathay there to decide what show to watch and I saw his friends. And they actually remembers me. It seems weird to actually see them in my outfit last night. Yvonne even said that I look like the gothic version of sailormoon. =.= Bought 12.45am tickets for CJ7. While waiting for the show to start, we went to KFC to eat. We were the noisiest group there lorh. Kept on laughing nonstop. I always like this group gathering, cause it will always bring laughter and joy. (:

Anyway, the movie is great! Must watch it. Mostly is comedy, but it contain sadness also. Quite touching, I'm totally in love with that little boy, he's so cute!

The next show I wanna watch.. KungFu Dunk. Actually, and a lot other shows also. But I don't have the time. ):

You said I doubt you, thus making you sad. I wanted so much to tell you, I'm trusting you. Learning to trust again, like I once said. Please believe in me, cause this is the first time I'm actually trying so hard.

2008-02-07T02:11:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Though it's actually nothing for me to be happy over (except those red packets xD), but just a greeting to everyone who ever come across my blog. CNY is getting more and more boring every year! But the worst is, I'm starting work on the 3rd day of chinese new year! Honestly, I just can't wake up so early for work larh! And and, heard from Rebecaa today that Jarrell got terminated. I was like, what the?! I don't know what happened in work today, no one tell me anything. Rebecca only said that he got terminated. Awww, another partner of mine have left. ): First was SiJun resigned, now Jarrell. Maybe next is me? Who knows, maybe cause of yesterday no-MC-sick-leave and I get terminated also? x= It seems like everyone is leaving. Herman said he might be resigning. Somehow, to me, he's like my big brother that always stand up for me. Like always help me in stuff and such. Just simply enjoy his accompany, so I'll be super sad if he gonna resign.

I thought you've forgotten me. I thought you won't contact me after that call. Friday, is still so long away.

Deep down inside, I just feel so sweet and touched seeing your messages. (:

2008-02-06T17:45:00.000+08:00

I'm so weak larh! Like that bit already drunk liao. )=
Yesterday after work, went down to Herman's friend working place to drink with XinJia, ZhiKai, Rebecca and Lindy. Herman was already there. Opened a bottle of Martell and shared. Finished it within 2 hours or so. Played card games, and I kept losing. Once got out of the place, I vomited! Shared cab with ZhiKai, alighted and vomited again. Tsk tsk. They actually mixed beer with Martell also, which taste so disgusting. x=

Couldn't wake up on time for work today. Reported sick. By the time I woke up, its already afternoon, polyclinic is closed! I can't get my MC! How?!

And there you go, happily. Not thinking about how I feel at all. Tell me then, how should I be feeling? Sometimes you make me melt.. Sometimes you make me feel so neglected. Tell me! Tell me how should I react, how should I feel? I really don't understand what you're thinking. Please.. Please tell me everything, I don't know how to guess.. )=

2008-02-04T02:26:00.000+08:00

Enough of all this crap. Give me a break! Stop acting all so angelic, it's just so disgusting. I go work is not to tolerate your nonsense, why should I actually care? Do it yourself when you're so professional! How on earth do you expect me to know when no one teach me?! What gives you the right to scold me vulgarities?! Fuck yourself back then. Bitch.

I seriously couldn't take it anymore, I actually broke down and cried during one of my break time with him. The tears of anger, of sadness, of stress, that I've been holding back for too long had finally let go. No one will ever understand, cause she only treat me like this and not anyone else. Is like.. So what if I'm the newcomer, so what if I'm a girl, so what if I don't know anything? Is not that I'm not willing to learn, is that no one teach me. And my brain is slow, fine, I admit, I'm slow at learning things. But everyone need time to learn something new also, everyone make mistakes as well.

He don't understand at all. He never bother, never care to even ask. I wanted so much to meet him then, I don't even mind waiting for hours. But all he said was.. He's tired. I get it, I totally get it. So I didn't even plan to tell him about what happened to me today. Cause I know what he gonna say will still be the same.

I'm sick of this one sided thing, some times I wish I could actually not care so much about him.

Tell me what I should do..

2008-02-01T01:39:00.000+08:00

I must be crazy to be still awake at this time.

I'm working morning shift tomorrow!

Which means.. I left a few hours of sleep. Tsk tsk.

I know the reason is that I still haven't know him well enough. But the feeling is so strong that sometimes I just couldn't control myself. I just kept telling myself to trust him, trust him more. I'm afraid, sick and tired of the repeated history. I know he's different, I know I have to change, I know! But I don't know how different he is, I don't know what I should change. This is the first relationship I have to hide around, will it be better for it to be known? Maybe just not now.

I'm worrying. Please take care of yourself. You should know that you're already sick. I suddenly feel so useless as your girlfriend. I can't even take care of you. Sorry. )=

2008-01-31T01:51:00.000+08:00

I'm not lost of words. I'm too angry to know what and how I should start.

Firstly, you're so freaking childish!

Secondly, those fucking thoughts are just what you think!

Damn it!

Just who do you think you're to say that? Grow up, will you? Please, how old are you already? Freaking 22 this year, but you're showing me the way a 13 year old kid behave! What's with the cursing? What's with the thoughts you think I have? I made it so damn fucking clear to you before, I said it again and again, repeating everytime it happen. You just never listen to me, not even once! I gave up asking you to give up. Who is the one foolishly doing things?! I don't care if you wanna call me names. Consistantly changing boyfriends, you said? Giving it to him, huh? Count how many times I've got dumped! Who is the first given to?! Who the fucking hell is that?! If you never start it, it won't continue! Blaming me now, isn't it?

I've never, never regret a relationship this much. Not even the one that two-timed me. You're just too self-centered. All you have in mind is, I hurted you and I betrayed you. You never ask yourself, why do I do that? I'm not saying I'm not at fault. Yes, I'm wrong to done that, I totally admit that. Stop acting like some kind of angels, even angels do make mistakes. Stop showing me all your emotional feelings. They're just so fake! It just make me feel so pissed. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore, cause I'm not gonna see you ever again. Nor will I ever talk to you, for I know right now I totally can't contact you due to your childish actions. Bet you don't even have my number already.

Acting like you care, acting like you're still so loving. But do you know, deep down inside, you have already hate me long ago?

To hell with the last message, last chat and what-so-ever.

Stop giving me troubles to trouble about. Stop giving me all this shitty pressure. I had enough of all this. I'm breaking down.. It's hard to keep up with everything that is around me. It's hard to maintain or change with it. The time is running out, I'm sick of everything yet I just can't give up. Who will know this kind of feeling, who will understand? )=

Sorry for the words used.

Sorry for not keeping my promise, this is the last time.

I will try to best to cut down on vulgarities to none.

Trust is the key. I know I only have to trust you.

2008-01-30T13:53:00.000+08:00

Went out with Ping, like after so long didn't see her. She accompanied me buy chinese new year clothes while looking for hers also. Finally bought my completed set. Which is so not like my past style. Was so afraid of getting scold, cause it's gothic punk type. And, the most shocking thing is, I spent nearly 200 bucks in 2 hours. I never spent this much before, is like I just keep 'nets it'. Hahaa. The feeling is great. I finally understand why people say that shopping is addictive. But that is only provided when you're loaded. LOL.

After all the shopping, sent ping off the train, I went to wait for him to finish work. Went HMV and MPH to explore awhile. I miss watching dramas. I miss reading novels. I miss the freedom I used to have. I miss the irregular time I used to live. I miss the time with my friends. I miss the time in school. I miss playing pool! X=

SiJun called and told me that she resigned. She did something that I've been considering for long. I'm not like her, I can't just resign as and when I like. And the only reason why I'd wanna resign is because I'm simply justtoo lazy to work.

Anyway, back to that day, met up with him then went down to AMK for our late dinner, after which, had McFlurry each. I shouldn't allow him to eat ice cream, cause he's sick!

It will never be the same anymore..

2008-01-27T03:28:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired! But I'm not asleep yet. Tsk tsk. Tomorrow still having work. Argh. I can't take off on Monday! And even worse is, I'm working with Yana! Gosh. The whole day only the 2 of us. Lucky I can get morning shift only. If not I will die facing her whole day. And he's off on Monday. )= But he promised to come fetch me after work. xD

Today got tekan by Kasper. Is like, the first time I see him, and he already so bad le. No wonder everyone said he's not one to play with. Cannot really joke around de type.

It's like so jian bu de ren. I hate this kind of relationship, yet I just can't do anything to it. Can't let it be known, don't wish to hide as well. I know it's for both of us. I know if this is let out, we will have a harder time. But I seriously hate it being the way it is now! Somehow, I wish I could just.. Quit. But it seems so dumb.
I don't know how strong this love is. But I'm not letting go, not giving up, not backing out. But I don't know how strong I'm to actually hold on. Dear, you're so much like him. Almost every single thing. I'm afraid, so afraid that I don't know how to trust. I know I should have trust you, I know I should at least have faith in you. But it's hard, very hard. I wanted so much to talk it out with you, but it never work. Even if it does, it never lasts long enough for me to get my answer from you. Do you know that I wish you could be by my side 24 hours? Will you just.. Listen to me, my words from the bottom of my heart? I'm learning to trust, once again. I need time, I need encouragement. I'm doing my best, so please believe in me. Right now, all I want is you.

2008-01-24T16:50:00.000+08:00

They took their O's level result today. Most are bad news. Almost everyone didn't expect that their result is like this. Honestly I don't too. Is like, I saw them working hard to the paper, yet the result came out is just so not expected of it. I know this time round, the feeling they have is totally different from how I felt when I got my N's result. Don't feel sad anymore alright? Think ahead, plan for your future. (:
Expect the unexpected.

I just feel so loss of words. I don't know how to cheer him up at all. Useless me!

Work and work and still working! I've been there for 1 week plus! And for the first week, I already have OT! Full shift, full shift! I hate full shift! I'm afraid of doing wrong things, afraid of getting scold, afraid that I'd eventually breakdown right there and then. I still don't know my limit. How am I going to take it? Their harshness, the tiredness, customers, in charges and everyone..

You're so much like him. The fear I used to have when I'm with him, I have it when I'm with you. The sense of security, the way you care is exactly how he treated me. And worst of all, you both are just so.. 'Girls famous'. I seriously hope it's not a wrong choice. I don't dare to choose him, cause I was afraid of losing him. But ended up, he left and I regretted. I'm not going to make the same mistake again. Please prove to me that I won't regret and I didn't chose wrong. For I love you more than you ever know.

2008-01-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happened, it's just work and work. But I enjoy working there, people are friendly. Though it is tiring standing whole day, but working with people you get along with does make a different. Sometimes it's not just about the job, it's also about the people there.

Sales is bad! Bad bad bad. I dislike the relief in charge that came yesterday. She is so bias, to be more detail, flirt! She treat the guys so much better than me! Ordered me around then she at there joked with the guys. Oh yah, my in charge broke his arm for god-knows-what-reason and is on MC for ten days.

Somehow, some days I do wonder what exactly make me stay on in this job. The money or the people? I don't really enjoy taking the tedious trip all the way down to MarinaSquare. I don't really like waking up so early. I don't really like working under people's commands. I don't really like being watched everytime. Why should I stay?

She's cute! I'm so in love with her! Omg?!

2008-01-15T17:31:00.000+08:00

Alright. I'm back from work! =D

13/01/08

Went to meet Wheekok, ZhiYong and JiaLan at AMK Hub. Watched One Missed Call. And Wheekok said it's more like a comedy rather than a horror show. Anyway, that show is dumb and the images are gross. I think I'd rather watch the japanese version. After the show, Derrick came and we went to Snookerium, which is in a super poor condition already. Lousy qualities they have. But nevermind lah, what we paid is what we get. =x After that Georgina came join us. She bought curry puff for me, cause I was super hungry. Had dinner at food court, chit chatted there until 10 plus. On the way home then realise I left my keys with Derrick. Fell asleep at 6am when I'm having work the next day. Tsk tsk.

14/01/08

Super tiring~! Reached Ubi at 11am. Done all the documents then dragged until around 1. Went down to Marina Square alone. Is like so.. Ren sheng di bu shou. Hahhas. That place is so freaking big. But is a combination of difference brands. People there are all quite young, oldest should be only 22. All jokers, and fun to be with. Honestly, that's the reason that keeps me going back. I mean, who would be willing to stand for 8 hours without doing anything but serve customers only? From what I get in my first day is, never judge a book by its cover. People who I thought is those guai guai type, end up they got smoke one! Which is like so weird also.
Ended work at 8 with Jarrell! He walked off so fast! But I end up seeing him a MRT Station an took the same train. He's so quiet, like so emo type one. And I forgotten to take the store and Jacky's number! )= Alighted at Bishan and went to meet ShunTai then go Prata House for his late dinner. Reached home, bathed and such then fell asleep.

15/01/08 - Today

I so hate ShunTai today! He actually called me up way before my alarm ring!!! Like 45 mins before?! And he got my scolding. LOL! I was like so tired already still wake me up before I have to. Okay lah, to be fair, I know he just don't want me to be late, BUT he should have asked me what time I waking up then give me morning call marh!!! Make me can't go back to sleep right after the call and then even missed my alarm and and and and I was late for work. Lucky today Jacky was off and Kelvin give chance. Hahas. But I guess the other in-charges mind a lot. Cause it's just my second day and I'm late. Met the part timer, Denise. She is... Wild and crazy. Erm, okay, that's not the right words. Just super friendly. (: She look kind of like Brenda, one of my sister's friend. Finish work at 2.30! Supposed to meet Edison, but that guy... Don't know to say cute or dumb. He actually called and message my prepaid number when I left my hp at home. End up when I called him, he told me that he just reached home. So never meet up with him. Called Derrick, wanted to take my keys from him but he is working. So, went back home and it was raining super heavily. And actually flooded at the area nearby my house's bus stop. The first time I saw it. Then a Evo don't dare to go through and hold up the whole 2 lanes, cause it was like sideway and blocked both lanes. Asked mummy to bring umbrella down and fetch me.

Yay!! I'm having off tomorrow! xDDD

2008-01-11T20:36:00.000+08:00

I had a dream. It seems so real, so real that I cried in my sleep. I miss my grandpa. )=

So, I got the work. And I wonder how am I going to handle it. Cause I just realise.. I got no straight bus to MarinaSqaure! And I'm using adult fare which will be like so expensive compare to student fare. Monday~ 2 more days. Gosh, how am I going to wake up so early?!

Somehow deep inside me, I just feel so worthless. No one bother to think of how I were to feel. I just feel like some 'spare friend'. In another word, extra. Always to be put in the last, to be remember at the very last and sometimes even don't remember. I guess I've to just depend on myself.

2008-01-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

For after so long, it kind of surprise me that you said that you have no chance when I told you that Boyfriends are troublesome. Honestly, I've got no idea why on earth did I said that to you, especially when you're my ex-boyfriend. In fact, I did a second thinking when pressing 'enter'. What I didn't expect is your answer.

I'm hoping to get this job. Though they said it clearly that they won't allow friends to be together in the same outlet. Some how it seems like this job is far better than the one at Takashimaya. Not sure how it goes, lets see how.

I seriously hope you know that I'm avoiding you. And for the fact of it, I know that you knew it long ago. And then again, who won't notice that when I actually told you right in the face that you're irritating? Oh my, I'm damn evil to say that. But, yes, you're just so irritating. And it's getting on my nerve. Damn it.

2008-01-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

Rejection after rejection.

You asked me, "How will you feel if you're rejected by someone for 4 days straight?"

Let me ask you then, How will you feel if you're me?

What makes you think rejecting is fun? Do you know I don't feel good at all?

I told you, what I'm feeling isn't just rejection. Its humilation. And you never try to understand why. Ask yourself, why am I rejecting your offer of going out?

I know I'll miss you still.

You told me straight, either be your girlfriend or not even friends.

You don't even give me a chance to express how I feel. Saying that you wanna take care of me, aren't all this are just nonsense? You don't even care of how I feel and you're telling me you wanna take care of me.

You kept your distance from me. Though I know everything you trying to do are just don't wanna to be a burden to me. I'm glad for your understanding. But you know, I'm worry about you, just as a friend. Take care.

What do you take me as? Call me to go out, I have to go and meet you? No way! I've been giving in to you and you reached my limit that night. Compare me some more, I guess I won't even answer your calls. You're such a disappointment. I thought you're different, but you're just the same and maybe even worse. Bastard.

2008-01-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

It is not how people perceive who you are that makes your existence worthwhile, but knowing that you have been able to bring joy into other's life is what makes it unique and priceless.

If I can bring happiness to you, I'll gladly do so.

If I can chase away your troubles, I'll.

But you're not me, how are you going to actually know how I feel? Words you said, are just showing me your motives. I hate it, you know? I wanna avoid, avoid the facts, avoid you. Stop trying to tell me how much I mean to you, how much you love me. I'll never believe all this nonsense. What you said and what you done are totally different. I'm not dumb to that extent, get lost, thank you.